Friday, October 28, 2011

You Can Call me Aurora......

Okay, I won't lie I am a child of the 80's and proud of it!

One of my all time favorite movies is Terms of Endearment. I have probably seen the movie 100 times and yes, I cry every single time I see it. Sap! There is one scene from the movie that I have always thought was absolutely ridiculous. In the beginning of the movie, Shirley MacLaine basically climbs into the crib to make sure that Debra Winger's character is breathing. She has her ear all the way up to the baby and can't hear anything. She finally pinches the baby and makes it cry. She then smiles and leaves the room.

Ridiculous, right?

I am afraid that I am constantly worried that one of the babies is not breathing. Everytime I wake up, I go and check. Zach snores already so he is easy. I can literally hear him breathing in my room. Zoe Anne is harder. She is a quiet girl. Last night, I couldn't tell if she was breathing; so I made Bill go in and check too. He couldn't tell either. So he lifts up her hand, scared the poor thing half to death. She promptly went back to sleep. I smiled and left the room.

Please help me, I am Aurora.....

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Get Ready Babies

Poor babies! We are supposed to get our first real snow of the season this afternoon into tomorrow. They didn't like the rain a few weeks ago. Stay tuned for their feelings on snow if it shows up. Never can trust those weather people.....

Sunday, October 23, 2011

It's My Blogversary....

Is that a word? Probably not.

One year ago I started my blog. We had just made the decision to go ahead with our first IVF cycle. We said we would only do one cycle and that was it. Truthfully, I probably would have done two, but no more. I thought it would be helpful to put my thoughts down as we went through the process. If anyone would have told me a year ago that I would have two amazing babies napping in the living room, I wouldn't have believed them.

I was hopeful, and I was optimistic, but in the back of my head I was worried. Worried that it wouldn't work. Worried that I was too old. Worried that I would have another miscarriage. Worried that if I did have another miscarriage, I wouldn't survive it. Worried the baby wouldn't be okay. So many things to worry about.

I am happy to be blogging today with a much different focus than the one I started with. A focus on our chaotic, happy family. In retrospect, jumping forward with that IVF cycle was the single best decision of my entire life. I look at these babies and I cannot imagine my life without either one of them.I love that we are forging ahead and creating our own traditions with these babies.

Happy Blogversary to me!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Kind of Sort of Getting a Routine Going....

I have found the whole process of getting a back to work routine going, challenging to say the least.

I am very lucky that my Mom is watching the babies for us. That being said, my commute both ways is about an hour longer than it otherwise would be. The babies and I are not getting home until 5:30 or 6 and they really like to be asleep between 6:30 and 7. My attempts to keep them up a little later with some play time have failed miserably.

I get home, get them fed and in jammies, and before we know it it is off to bed we go. Most nights lately, my husband has been home too which makes life so much easier. I go back downstairs and make our dinner and we are eating around 8. The babies, more often then not, will sleep through to 5 or 6 am and it all starts again.

I am trying so hard to find a workout time to get myself back in gear. My time with the babies is already so slim, I don't want to do it after work. After dinner is too late. Truthfully, I am still exhausted in the morning so before work has been a struggle. I have really been toying with cancelling my gym membership near my house and joining one near my work for a lunchtime workout. I am really starting to think that is the only way I am going to get this in.

This may sound weird to some but the workouts are very important to me. I went through some health problems a few years back and it was the addition of an exercise routine that I feel turned it all around. It has been a year since I have really been able to exercise and that is not good.

I am thinking the lunchtime idea is the only way to go.......

Saturday, October 15, 2011

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th is a special day. It is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Today, I remember our first baby. The one, that we experienced the highs of excitement when we found out that we were pregnant and the lows of depression when we realized that we were going to miscarry. We called him our Little Peanut. He was special to me; and I am just as heartbroken today as I was then, that he is not here.

I love my Zach and my Zoe; but you will always have a special place in my heart, because you were my first. I miss you still and will love you always.

Friday, October 14, 2011

I Don't Understand

Sometimes the more you try to understand the God's plan the less you do.

Yesterday, I was floored by three families stories. First, I found out about a woman that after trying for years to have a baby, had embraced adopting a baby instead. The birthmother decided at the last minute to change her mind. After this couple had spent $10,000, they will not be bringing a baby home. Next, there is a family that I had become aware of through my twins group. They have boy/ girl twins just like Bill and I do. The girl was diagnosed with a brain tumor a few months ago and has been going through chemo and all that goes along with it. Well, yesterday their son has started exhibiting some of the same symptoms and will be getting an MRI today to see if he also has a brain tumor. Can you imagine? Finally, one of my fellow bloggers was 20 weeks along with boy/ girl twins named Michael and Elena and they died on Weds.

I hugged my babies especially tight this morning. I am thankful for them every single day. I will never forget what I had to go through to bring them home and they will always be the single biggest blessing of my life. While I am grateful for what I have; I am utterly heartbroken for each of these families. I am going to be praying for each of these families this weekend and hope you will do the same.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Am I Biased or Are these Babies Perfect?

I know that I am their Mother, but I personally think these babies are perfect.

We will hit 3 months on Saturday. I cannot believe it! They are sleeping from between 7:30 and 8:00 at night until about 5 am. I never thought we would hit this but we have. They are talking to us, and smiling and laughing. I am having so much fun with these babies.

Zoe is aware of her brother and when they are together is trying to get his attention to play. Zach in typical male fashion does not seem to be aware of her yet and is happily oblivious. It is so cute when Zach cries, she starts crying too. It seems that she is worried about her brother and just has no idea why she is crying.

I miss them so much when I am at work. Calling my Mom way too much to see how they are. I do enjoy talking to them on the phone though:-D

I am adjusting to being back at work and it really isn't that bad.