Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year!!

I have to say that 2010 has definitely been a mixed bag but mostly I think it was a good year.
  • We started out the year officially trying to get pregnant.
  • We made the decision to see the RE in May.
  • Had the best day of my life in June when Bill and I got married!
  • Found the infertility to be mostly age related.
  • Made the decision to give IVF a try in August and amazingly found out we were pregnant.
  • Two weeks later had the worst day of my life when the Dr called to let me know the we had miscarried.
  • Great day again when I flew an airplane for my birthday!
  • Even though still struggling we decided to give IVF a whirl in November.
  • Amazing days when we found out we were pregnant again and the subsequent ultrasounds showing both babies with heartbeats, growing, and moving around like marathon runners.

2010 absolutely has been the happiest and the saddest for me. I would never let myself say that it was a bad year because of the struggles we had. Too many amazing things occurred as well. I am embracing all of 2010. The horrible sadness that came from losing our first baby and the amazing high of seeing the twins. Of course, I worry everyday and I pray that they will continue to grow and that they will be healthy.

I have high hopes for 2011 and cannot wait to see what the New Year brings us. Good and bad 2010 was a whirlwind. I am excited to see what you have in store 2011-BRING IT ON!!

Wishing you all the best-Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

9 Weeks and 3 Days

We went in for our second ultrasound today and I was worried. I kept having this fear that one or both of the babies had stopped growing or their hearts had stopped beating. I haven't had any more spotting lately but I was still concerned.

The babies are both doing great!! One measures 9 weeks and 4 days while the other one measures 9 weeks and 3 days. Their heart rates were right where they should be as well I think one was 165 whiles the other was 178.

I really am starting to feel like it will be okay to just settle in a little bit and just enjoy this whole pregnancy thing. We are definitely taking things slowly and not getting too ahead of ourselves yet. That being said, I am over the moon right now. I cannot believe this is actually happening. Fingers crossed, it looks like our dreams of a family actually is coming true....

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas

It has been super busy this week! Lots of running around-but I am finally done. We will go to my Mom's house for dinner tonight and my sister's house for Christmas tomorrow.

I have been thinking a lot over the past few days how different this Christmas will be from next (hopefully). This will be our last Christmas with just Bill and I. I am really trying to take it all in and really appreciate this time that we have together.

This time next year, we will have two babies crawling around trying to plot their great escape to get to the tree! I know that it will be stressful but amazing. As much as I am loving this Christmas the thought of next year makes me smile from ear to ear as well.

We have so much to be thankful for and have already received so much we don't even need any other gifts under the tree. Hoping that everyone has a happy weekend, with much love, laughter and family. Merry Christmas!!

Monday, December 20, 2010

ICLW Already?

I can't believe that another month has passed. Last ICLW we had just gone through our very first IVF and were waiting to find out if we were pregnant.

Well, happily we are 8 weeks along and are expecting twins. What a difference a month makes. I am cautiously excited! We have been pregnant once before and that ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks.

Things have been going great this time though. Just saw the heartbeats last week which was amazing! Ultrasound #2 is scheduled for next Tuesday; we can't wait! I think when we go back and see that there has been progress and the heartbeats are still there it will help me be a little more at ease that everything is going to be okay this time. Well, that is what I say now anyway....

Happy ICLW and thanks for stopping by!!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

8 Weeks Pregnant-A Miracle

Today we are 8 weeks pregnant; and I still feel like it is an absolute miracle. The spotting has completely stopped again . Actually kind of funny, as soon as we had the ultrasound and saw that everything was okay-spotting stopped. Fingers crossed, but I have a feeling that it will pop back up periodically just to keep me in line!

The last couple days have been kind of rough though. I just have sporadic nausea and headaches. Truthfully, I think that I have not adjusted my eating well enough yet and that is what is causing it. As soon as I eat, most times I start to feel much better.

We saw a nutritionist a few weeks back to try and make sure my eating is on track for the pregnancy. She said that for one baby you just eat 300 calories more so it really is a pretty insignificant change. She was pretty clear, no you are not eating for two! We go back to see her again the first week in January. I want to be sure that I am adjusting correctly for twins not over correcting. I need to be more careful than most when it comes to the eating. Let's face it, I am not what they would call petite to begin with!

Just excited right now and still a little nervous. Miscarriage is always in the back of mind, a little less this week, and hopefully even a little less than that next week...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Twins-Are You Kidding Me?

What an amazing day today has been. I was spotting most of the afternoon yesterday and crying most of the night last night. Although I was trying so hard to remain positive I really was trying to prepare myself for the worst today.

When we went in for our Ultrasound at first I thought it looked empty again-just like before. My heart sank. The ultrasound technician then told us "Well, we have two in there." They both have very strong heartbeats and are the size they should be. Bill and I could not believe it. I cried a little again but this time a very happy cry.

This is absolutely the closest thing to a Christmas miracle I have ever experienced. I know we are not out of the woods but this is an amazing start.

I have to try and find a way to remove the smile from my face or at least tone it down. I kind of look like the joker right now and that is so not a good look...

Monday, December 13, 2010

One More Day!

So I was spotting again yesterday. Goodness gracious, knock it off already!

We go in for our ultrasound tomorrow morning. We can finally get the answers we have been waiting for. Honestly, even though on the one hand I have a really good feeling about the whole thing; on the other I am terrified there will be no heartbeat. I just want this to work out so badly.

I cannot worry about receiving bad news until I get it. I just don't know what I would do-the last miscarriage was absolutely devastating and I just don't know how I would handle another one right now.

So for now, I will keep picturing a healthy baby, maybe two with amazingly strong heartbeats. I am grateful that this part of the wait will be over one way or the other tomorrow.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Up Early Again

Courtesy of Google Images

So funny, the last few years I have definitely been someone who wakes up early. Not true, when I was younger! This is even more pronounced the last few weeks. I am pretty exhausted at night and am asleep by 10 at the latest. Like clockwork though, I wake up raring to go between 3 and 4. I don't mind it so much though. I have so much on my mind it is nice to have this quiet time.

I have been having a lot of what I think are regular pregnancy symptoms this week which although not tons of fun; are giving me a certain degree of comfort. I have started to have a lot of nausea this week. Never in the morning though; always at night. I was supposed to go to a dinner for work last night but I was just too sick to go. Most people do not know I am pregnant and it would be pretty embarrassing to have to run out of the restaurant. I have also been having some pretty severe muscle pain. The Dr's office has told me that it is round ligament pain and is nothing to worry about. Knowing that, I just kind of roll with it. I just need to get out of bed very slowly, if I stand up to fast-wow! I do find myself wondering if the early onset of this symptom could be a sign of twins.....

I have been taking it very easy this week and the spotting has subsided. I think they may have been right and I may have been pushing myself too hard. When you are so used to being on the go all the time it is harder than you would think to pull back . I think this is something that I will struggle with god willing all through this pregnancy.

Only 3 more days till our first ultrasound. I am nervous and excited. I do have a really good feeling about it though. As cautious as I try to be, I just know there will be a heartbeat on Tuesday, I just know it.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

So Frustrated!

I am still spotting, not as much, but still spotting. This of course has me very nervous and I am trying my best to remain positive.

Today, I finally called the Dr's office to see if we could move my ultrasound up to Thursday or Friday of this week instead of next Tuesday. I was just not looking forward to spending another weekend worrying about this.

They refused. Just flat out told me that they wouldn't do an ultrasound before 7 weeks. Basically, it might be too soon to hear or see the heartbeat and they wouldn't want me getting upset if I didn't need too. Valid point, I suppose. But another valid point; I am upset now!

Oyy! So whether I like it or not I have to wait an entire week to find out if everything is okay or not. So I will take a deep breath, say a big prayer, and keep hoping for the best!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

6 Weeks Today-So Now I Am Spotting

So this is the big week for us. Last time we were pregnant I had a miscarriage in between weeks 6 and 7. I knew that when I hit this week of course I would be excited-but also scared.

Everything started out fine this morning. We were decorating our Christmas tree this afternoon and I just started feeling a little weird. Almost like I could pass out but not; if that makes sense. Next time I went to the bathroom, there it was. The tiniest bit, but brown spotting. I just cried.

We called the Dr's office and they told us the usual, spotting is normal in the first trimester, could be the crinone, nothing to worry about, etc. They told me to only start worrying if I were to start saturating a pad every hour with bright red blood.

Maybe this would be a different conversation with someone who had not had a miscarriage before. This is what I know from my experience; a miscarriage does start with brown spotting, brown spotting is something to worry about and is not normal, bright red blood saturating a pad every hour is a full blown miscarriage.

Maybe I have not been taking it as easy as I should be. I am usually just a go go go type of person. I am going to lay down for the rest of the day and pray like I have never prayed before.

I just don't know what we will do if this is happening again. Please do not let this be happening again.....

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Beta #3

Even though the nurses told me that they thought everything was fine and that I shouldn't worry. I was worried. I was still having pain and I was starting to get really concerned.

I went in this morning to have them redo the blood work to see if anything looked like it could be a problem. They just called and said there is nothing in the blood work that concerns them at all. In fact, my beta is now 8455. I can't believe it! I am really excited now!!

I know that we are definitely not out of the woods but this is really a positive sign to me. I really think I will just be able to relax now until we have our Ultrasound in 2 weeks.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

All is Well-I Think

So I talked to the Dr's office yesterday and they told me that they were not worried at all about what is going on with me right now. All completely normal. This is a big relief-kind of.

When you have gone through a miscarriage I think it kind of alters the experience a little. It seems to me that I am super sensitive to every little twinge or pain. I need to just try and put those worries behind me for now and just try and really enjoy this experience. It is amazing to me that we are pregnant right now. What a miracle! I still cannot believe it.

I am going to try and not worry so much and just enjoy this until the 14th when we have our first ultrasound. Maybe easier said then done-but I am going to give it my all.