Tuesday, August 2, 2011

One Year Ago......

One year ago today was the saddest of my life.

The Dr. called me to tell me that I had miscarried. I had begun to spot on Friday. Never had I imagined that this meant the baby would not survive. It was never even a thought for a second in my mind. This is why the call was absolutely devastating.

I remember getting up from my desk, absolutely sobbing. I left work for the day with not much conversation with anyone as I left. I didn't call Bill, deciding till he got home to tell him. I sat there for hours, waiting for him to get home. As soon as I heard the garage door open, I started sobbing again. I met him outside to tell him the news. I will never forget the sad look that came across his face. I felt like I had failed him in such a significant way. I know he never felt that way, but I did. Truthfully, sometimes I still do.

I remember this overwhelming sense of sadness. It was the kind of sadness I had never felt before. The kind of sadness that feels like you fell in a hole. I remember crying non stop for a month.

It is unreal to me to be sitting here right now on this sad anniversary watching these two wonderful babies sleep. If anyone had told me a year ago, I would have told them they were crazy. I was sure on that dark day that our one chance at a family had died too.

Life really does surprise us in the most spectacular ways.


  1. I'm glad your loss turned into such a happy surprise. Zoe and Zachary are beautiful!!

  2. I don't think that came out right... but I know you must know how my comment was intended....