How Am I Going to do This?

I love these babies and they are absolutely the biggest blessing in my life. Boy, do they keep me hopping round the clock though.

The last few days they have been having a grand time with what I call tag teaming Mommy. One cries for a few hours, feeding, diaper change, a little rock here a little rock there and falls asleep. I swear not 30 seconds later, they switch.

I am lucky though , rarely are they upset simultaneously. This is good, because I still have not mastered the art of doing anything for them at the same time. Not feeding them, not holding them, nothing. I do feel like I should have gotten that down by now, but no.

I have to go back to work in 6 weeks, period. Not a decision that I am thrilled with but we have no choice.

I have really been trying to figure out in my head how this is all going to work. Yesterday, I barely had enough time for one glass of water, and a piece of toast. Good for my diet, not so great for me. This morning it was all but impossible to get a shower in and get dressed before my husband had to leave for work.

How on earth am I going to do this when I go back to work? Logistically, I am really struggling with being able to get it all done. My Mother told me this morning that it will get better in 6 weeks. Well, I guess it has to since that is exactly when I go back to work. I have honestly been considering getting up for the day at their 2 am feeding.

Deep down the fact that I will not be home with them just breaks my heart. I am trying so hard to be positive but at the end of the day I feel that these babies deserve the best. I grew up with the best. My Mom was always there when I needed her. They deserve as good as I got, if not better. They deserve a Mom who is devoted to them 100% of the time.

I am afraid of what having a Mom from 6pm to 6am will look like in their lives.