Sunday, February 20, 2011

Bad, Bad Blogger

I have not been very good lately about writing. I am a bad, bad blogger.

Things have been going pretty well lately. The anxiety with this pregnancy has pretty much gone by the wayside, with a brief occurrence here and there.

I did go in last week to do my gestational diabetes test. I think I had to do it early because I am officially considered high risk. I was so mad! I drank all of that horrible junk and guess what 2 seconds later it all came back to me. Gross! Now, I have to take the test again in a few weeks. When the receptionist told me, I said "Good luck with all that! Well, I guess we have 5 months to try and get it done!"

The Dr said part of the problem probably was me drinking it on an empty stomach. Truthfully, I was afraid if I ate it would mess with the results and I would have to do the 3 hour. I guess, I will try again in a couple of weeks and keep my fingers crossed the long version is not in my future.

We were not supposed to have an ultrasound at this appointment; but they were only able to find one baby's heartbeat with the doppler. A little scary for sure. They did give us an ultrasound and both babies are looking great! Heartbeats still around 160 for both and they weighed 5 and 4 ounces. Can't wait for the anatomy scan in 3 weeks!

My husband and I were able to go and look, just look at baby stuff last weekend. It was a lot of fun, to start thinking about what we need to get for their nursery. I am not quite ready to make purchases, but I am ready to start researching to see what has the highest safety ratings! Yes, I am a big stinking planner. Probably one of the reasons infertility was so hard on me.

I still have a pregnancy journal and a baby journal in my drawer that remain unwritten in. This is a struggle. I actually bought them the day I was having my miscarriage in July completely unaware of what was to come. We put them away to save for a happier time. Well here I am; and I find myself unable to pull them out.

It upsets me that I haven't been able to write in these journals. I am excited about these babies and I absolutely want them to know someday how much they were anticipated, wanted, and loved.

I know logically that I am through the rough patch. More likely than not, these babies will be okay. There is something about taking those journals out and writing in them that scares me a little. This is weird, I know it is. For lack of a better word, I am afraid writing will jinx something. Is it a superstition if it only affects me? The whole thing is weird, I know; and probably a little crazy too!

I am afraid that as always my Mother is right. She keeps telling me that I am doing too much, and I need to respect my pregnancy more and not fight it so much. As usual, today I tried to cram an entire weekend into one day and it exhausted me. Tomorrow, my plan is stay home and relax all day.

I am going to try my best to take those journals out tomorrow. I am going to take the cap of the pen and throw caution to the wind and just write. In every other aspect of my life, I have been able to push through what scares me and I will find a way to do just that in this instance as well!


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