Sunday, July 24, 2011


So many changes when you bring one,let alone two babies homes from the hospital.

Ever since I was little, I knew that I would be a Mom someday. My dreams for myself would come and go, but the one constant was that I would be a Mom. As I started approaching 40, I began to think that I would have to let the dream go. Somewhere deep down, I just kept praying for the family that I always had pictured.

Everything started falling into place right after I turned 39. I met Bill, we were engaged within 6 months, and married a year later. We started trying to get pregnant not long after we were engaged. Nothing happened. Apparantly, I had been faithfully taking birth control pills for a decade for naught.

Last July, after a year of trying; we finally were pregnant. I don't ever remember being happier. A week later, I was heartbroken to find out that I had miscarried. I felt that sadness deeper than any in my life, so much so, that is was difficult to emerge from it. Finally, I did; and we made the decision to try IVF once. My prayers have been answered and we are blessed with not one baby but two.

I would be a liar if I said that the hormone free fall after childbirth wasn't an issue. It is. I trend towards being an emotional person to begin with, so this is a struggle.

The adjustment period for our family has been a little longer than I anticipated. I feel like we are just now finally hitting our stride and we will be able to establish a schedule for ourselves.

Bill had never really been around babies before; I worry that the adjustment period may be harder on him than it is on me. I know that he loves these babies with all of his heart and is a wonderful father to them. I do worry though that this dream that I thought was ours was really just mine. I worry that I just plowed full steam ahead, like I always do. I worry that he was just trying to make me happy, like he always does.

Already, it is impossible to remember our life before these babies. Right from the minute they were born I was struck by how vastly different their personalities were. Zoe is quiet, sweet, happy, and I think will be very silly. Zach is determined to be heard, sweet, happy, and I think will be quite serious.

The one thing that I know for sure is that we are quite lucky to have been chosen to be the parents of these wonderful babies. I know that we are just starting an amazing journey together and I, for one, cannot wait to see where we end up.

1 comment:

  1. What you and your husband are going through is normal. I would say it took my husband and I 6-9 months before we REALLY had our feet under ourselves and figured out how to have a relationship with each other while also being parents, and what our roles would be in relation to our daughter. Basically. . .how it would ALL work. Everything is very much new and unsettled and up in the air in those few months after a new baby (or two!) arrives, for all parents. Don't worry that this was more your dream than his, or that you are emotionally fraught. It's just part of the package (the part that no one talks about!). You'll work through it all. Congrat's again on the babies!