Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I started this blog to document my journey of trying to get pregnant after my miscarriage last year.

I have gotten so much support from so many wonderful ladies. Ladies, who like me, were struggling with the ability to become and or stay pregnant. I know that after my miscarriage seeing or talking with other women who were pregnant or who had just had babies was incredibly difficult for me.

The last few days I have been struggling with what I should do with this blog. Is it okay if I transition this blog to be about my life with the babies or should I start a new blog?

Little Boys-Oh the Mystery that Is....

Okay. So everyone in my family has been girls. I am one of three girls, and my sister had two girls.

I have changed many a diaper in my day, and dangerous it never was. Until now. I swear Zach pees on me a minimum of three times a day. We go through at least three changing table covers, and four outfits. Those would be his outfits not mine. This little boy can shoot three feet across the room and his aim is supreme. My Mother did daycare and she swears she never saw a boy such as mine.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? Anyone.......

Tired....

I think the last few weeks is catching up with me. I am so exhausted today it is hard to function.

I have to say I am very lucky. I have a large extended family that has been coming over as much as I need to help in anyway they can. They have been helping us get organized, cooking dinners, feeding babies, etc. I have absolutely no idea how parents of twins who do not have this type of extended family do it.

Still, I am tired. Bill and I have decided to bring in a wonderful lady one night a week. She will take care of the babies so that we can get one night of uninterrupted sleep. What originally felt like a luxury we could probably do without; definitely feels like a necessity today. Luckily, tonight is her first night.

Like so many other things in my life this has definitely fallen into place at exactly the moment when I needed it most. Looking forward to bedtime tonight!!

Adjusting

So many changes when you bring one,let alone two babies homes from the hospital.

Ever since I was little, I knew that I would be a Mom someday. My dreams for myself would come and go, but the one constant was that I would be a Mom. As I started approaching 40, I began to think that I would have to let the dream go. Somewhere deep down, I just kept praying for the family that I always had pictured.

Everything started falling into place right after I turned 39. I met Bill, we were engaged within 6 months, and married a year later. We started trying to get pregnant not long after we were engaged. Nothing happened. Apparantly, I had been faithfully taking birth control pills for a decade for naught.

Last July, after a year of trying; we finally were pregnant. I don't ever remember being happier. A week later, I was heartbroken to find out that I had miscarried. I felt that sadness deeper than any in my life, so much so, that is was difficult to emerge from it. Finally, I did; and we made the decision to try IVF once. My prayers have been answered and we are blessed with not one baby but two.

I would be a liar if I said that the hormone free fall after childbirth wasn't an issue. It is. I trend towards being an emotional person to begin with, so this is a struggle.

The adjustment period for our family has been a little longer than I anticipated. I feel like we are just now finally hitting our stride and we will be able to establish a schedule for ourselves.

Bill had never really been around babies before; I worry that the adjustment period may be harder on him than it is on me. I know that he loves these babies with all of his heart and is a wonderful father to them. I do worry though that this dream that I thought was ours was really just mine. I worry that I just plowed full steam ahead, like I always do. I worry that he was just trying to make me happy, like he always does.

Already, it is impossible to remember our life before these babies. Right from the minute they were born I was struck by how vastly different their personalities were. Zoe is quiet, sweet, happy, and I think will be very silly. Zach is determined to be heard, sweet, happy, and I think will be quite serious.

The one thing that I know for sure is that we are quite lucky to have been chosen to be the parents of these wonderful babies. I know that we are just starting an amazing journey together and I, for one, cannot wait to see where we end up.

We are Home!!

Okay, we have been home since the 11th but my life has been a whirlwind!

We checked into the hospital at 5:30 am on the 8th for a scheduled 7:30 C Section. We were bumped from the schedule twice so I wasn't taken back until 9:30. Of course, I can't complain the other procedures were emergencies and luckily mine was not.

I have to say that the spinal that I was so nervous about was about as bad as I was picturing it. I kept having shooting pains so they had to reinsert the needle a few times. Not fun! Once it kicked in I got a little nervous because you literally cannot feel yourself breathing even though you are. This freaked me out and things were a little touch and go for a few minutes until I could calm down.

Finally, they were able to bring Bill into the room for the surgery to begin. I felt so much calmer once he was there with me. The procedure itself was not bad and Zach was out before I knew it. Zoe literally tried to jump out behind him which is why they were both born at 10:29. Zoe was 6 lbs 2 oz and Zach was 5 lb 12 oz.

The babies are perfect no health issues at all and we all went home together 3 days later. All the nurses at the hospital kept telling us how amazing that was.

We are all still adjusting to each other but they are both wonderful babies. Zoe is one of the calmest babies I have ever run into and Zach is definitely not. I love how distinctly different their personalities are already. It is most definitely the most amazing adventure and I look forward to learning more about them everyday.

We are so happy to finally have our family and feel more blessed than I ever imagined I would be.

Can't Sleep

I know that I am nervous about tomorrow. I have had surgery before but I can honestly say that I have been asleep for every other procedure that I have had. I am sure it will be fine but....

Also, all of a sudden tonight I have this horrific pain all throughout my legs, hips, and groin. It is awful-can barely even walk. I guess they are pulling these babies just in time.

We have to be at the hospital in 4 hours, I better try to get some rest. Wish us luck!

Progress

Well, we went back into the Dr today and I am now 4 cm dilated. They asked if I was having any contractions and I really did not think that I was. This rumor was dispelled when I was on the fetal monitor. Apparently, I am in contraction denial!

Considering that I am now 4 cm and Baby A also known as Zachary is breech we went ahead and scheduled the C Section for bright and early Friday morning. So worst case scenario we will meet these babies on Friday. I am nervous but very excited!

They measured the babies today and it looks like one is 5 lb 9 ounces and the other is 5 lb 13 ounces. I am hoping they are developed enough that no one will need to go to the NICU.

I cannot believe this is really happening!!

We Could be Having Babies This Weekend......

I will be 36 weeks this weekend. A few weeks ago the Dr told me that most women with twins will go into labor by 36 weeks, if not, we would schedule a C Section for week 38.

We went in for our ultrasound today-both babies are looking perfect. Although, we can tell each week that Zoe is going to be our wild child and she will keep us on our toes for sure! Zachary on the other hand was mellow yellow as usual.

We then went in for our Dr appointment. We spoke with the Dr a little bit about what to be looking for in labor and then had my first vaginal exam to see if I was dilated. Guess what, I am 3 cm dilated.

The Dr asked me "Are you sure you haven't been having contractions?". I really don't think I have been. A braxton hicks here or there, sometimes I get what feels like a side stitch but that is it. She told me that I appear to be fairly tough with a high pain tolerance and will need to pay attention to what my body is telling me. Oh great! I really don't want to be the first story on TLC's "I Didn't Know I was in Labor".

Before we left she did tell us that she would not be surprised at all to see us at the hospital this 4th of July weekend. Eeks! We could be getting close after all. I am excited but very nervous as well......